She is.

It was a year ago. She said she felt like losing something. At that time, I was in first year, and couldn't understand what she meant.

But..

Those words had a strange effects on me.


At the time, we were drawn by two things.

I was always looking up in the clouds. I felt that something precious waited there. I yearned, to go there.

The place that I admired beyond the clouds became the place of a precious promise. At that moment, I wasn't afraid of anything. But in reality, the world and the flow of time kept on going all around me. Yet I couldn't help but feel that the nighttime smell in the train, the trust of my friends, and her presence were the only things in this world.

In those days, I was overcome with bleak feelings.

When did I start having such pain? like living alone, the nights seemed to last forever. When I couldn't pass the time effectively, I always go outside, and pretended to wait for someone. Once I grew bored of that, I'd walk home as slowly as possible. I had friends, but I didn't feel like hanging out with them when I wasn't wearing my school uniform.

In a city of more than a hundred thousand people, there wasn't a single person I wanted to see or talk to. It was on those kinds of days that I dreamt about her. Those dreams were about me trying to find her, who was alone in a cold place.

But I never find her.

My memoirs of her, which made my heart tremble, remained in my mind after I woke. When I think about it, I realize this is the third year since I've been in highschool. It's as if I've spent my days holding my breath under cold water.

It's as if..

I'm the only one left in the world. That's how I feel.


When I first wake up, it's like I don't know where I am. I sometimes think that I may have come to the wrong place.

The dreams I have about her seems more real than the reality surrounding me.

In another dream, I am alone in an empty universe. In that dream, my whole body.. fingers, cheeks, fingernails,heels, and even the tips of my hair are painful with loneliness. Those warm days I spent together with her, with my friends, seem more like a dream. But, as long as I don't lose those memories, I think I might be able to keep a grip on reality in the future.

I've been looking at her, for a long time.

But, I might have just been dreaming. Even so, the warmth of her hand that was left on my skin was still flowing through my body.

On those now distant days.. I made a promise I couldn't keep.

I always have this feeling. This feeling of losing something. The world is really beautiful, but..
it feels like it's just me who's drifting away from it. But, at that time, I thought she was the center of this bright world.

Oh. Now I see.

I thought I had understood..

Something very important. I always thought that it would be.

Every time I wake up, I feel my body trembling at the anticipation of waking. I wonder why, right now.. my fear is greater than my anticipation.

She said that, she also feel that she's losing something. Right now, I feel the same way. But, that promise I made after school, I'm going to that place.

Now I know. I now know what I'm going to lose.

I'm going to lose her.

All I need is one moment after I wake up, I don't want this feeling to disappear. I have to tell her, that the connection in our dreams and in our hearts is something special.

In a world with no people, all that existed was my need to see her. For all this time, I've needed to tell her, how much I love her. I won't need anything else. Just one moment.

This feeling..

The need to tell her something, something very important.

But, it's gone.

In a world where I lost the promise, that feeling, I can't begin to live again.